Armadillo

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Posted by John Mitchell on 1997-01-10
On a recent archeological dig on mount Sinai, the remains of a fossilised 
armadillo were discovered. The significance of this find only became apparent 
when it was discovered that as the animal had shuffled along, it had dragged 
its tail in the mud and accidentally produced a phonographic recording of a 
conversation which occurred an estimated 6000 years ago. Modern laser and 
computer-aided reconstruction techniques have made parts of this conversation 
comprehensible, albeit in a rather doubtful form. 

The speakers have not been formally identified. However it is now thought
that unfortunate armadillo may have perished from a surfeit of glory.

Extract from reconstruction:

M. "....but how did it all actually begin ?"
G. "Now, this isn't going to be easy to explain, bear with me.
   At the very beginning there was nothing at all, no time, no space.
   Just Nothing.
M. "Like the emptiness of the desert, or the vast expanses of sky ?"
G. "No, there wasn't even space, so even the Nothing had no shape - it was
   totally void and formless, not even light."
M. "Sounds pretty chaotic to me.
G. "Hmmm, just don't worry too much about the details.
   Then I spoke and said 'Let there be light', and out of the Nothing there 
   appeared a quantum of energy - it's unlikely, I agree, but theoretically 
   possible, so I did it. That was the first phase.
M. "The first 'day', did you say ?"
G. "Ok, the first day, if it helps you to think of it that way."
M. "What exactly is a Quantum of energy, by the way ?"
G. "Well, think of it as a light.
   Everything was very fluid at this point, and was expanding rapidly 
   [1]. I made sure that this new physical realm was separate from My 
   spiritual realm. There was as yet no shape or structure
   to anything, it was just like an expanding fluid."
M."Fluid ?"
G."Yes, just like, say, water. 
  That was the second phase.
  "Next, this formless energy began gradually to coalesce into solid lumps, making
  galaxies, solar systems, and planets just like this earth. 
M."What ! this light-like-water separated into dry ground ?"
G."Oh, hmm, well, yes, I suppose you could put it like that.
M."So what next, you made Man ?
G."No, first the earth had to cool down so that plant life could appear,
  initially like algae in the oceans, then later on the land. 
  That was the third phase.
  At that point the atmosphere was full of carbon dioxide and noxious vapours, 
  and it was very hot and murky. Gradually, as the plants produced oxygen, the air 
  cleared and eventually you could see the sun, then the moon and later even the 
  stars. Then as the temperature dropped the seasons became established. 
  That was the fourth stage.
M."So THEN you made Man ?"
G."No, not quite yet. First I had to create animals in the sea - proto-plankton, 
  then bigger and bigger animals. 
  That was the fifth stage.
  Then I created animals on the land, and finally...made Man. 
  That was the sixth stage. 
  Incidentally I made Man to have two different sides to him - male and female [2].
M. "And what happened next ? 
G. "Then my union insisted I took a day off, so I left them in charge.....
   OK. Did you understand all that ?
M. "Hmm, well some of it, I suppose, maybe. At any rate it's given me a great idea
   for a song which would make a terrific opening for the new book I'm writing...

	
 
[1 heb. 'raqia' means Firmament or Expanse]
[2. Heb for "rib" also means "side"]